claire is not my mother

05 Passion

Perhaps this is the reason why I am so passionate about the sea. It occurred to me yesterday while sleeping at my Alberni apartment.

I dreamt I was a whale again. Perhaps one of those orcas that used to perform at the aquariums. Once I dove into the ocean, I saw a world from the past. Stadiums now submerged under the surface of the rocking tides in sweet cerulean. Fish and squids and all sorts of sea life swimming in front of my eyes. Seaweed flowed with its soft beauty so poetically. Some people wanted to capture me; some wanted to free my body. I sided with the latter and chased after my freedom, hurting those getting in my way. I would observe their intentions then act accordingly. It felt like chess.

I finally saw a stretch of free water. I hopped over ropes and nets from fishermen and cargo ships at the busy harbour. Now I saw people as friendly merchants and tradesman on water. I waved goodbye to them. I didn't want to leave the people I loved, but it was time for me to go. I was no longer human.

A man on my left sat in a boat. I waved at him and turned towards the ocean. He shot out a javelin. He was actually a whale-hunter. He wounded me on my side. Unable to swim any further, men in numbers hauled my bloody body in. Humankind has failed me. They started hacking me away. Cutting away my lower body into multiple pieces. They tossed me these rubber-like organs harvested from my whale body. I had six pairs. Perhaps it was my energy source or homed my transformation ability. I felt like I've lived as a human being despite my origin as a whale.

I had my cellphone in my hand, dialling up my mother's number. I told her of my capture. I asked her to come, any time later I would be gone. All this was said as they carved into my body. It didn't hurt, surprisingly.

My mother was by my side. I was confused how I have became a whale. Was I a whale before? Was I human? Was my father really my father? All these unanswerable questions floated in my cut up brain. There was another woman beside my mother. She also cared for me.

The fisherman now were ready to drag my body into a van. A towing truck backed towards where my mother was kneeling. I could only hurl her away so she wouldn't be ran over. I may have threw her into the sea by accident.

I was lifted into a van with folded-down seats. I felt like I was carpooling with a bunch of Asian fisherman. Familiar faces started popping by. I would recognize them and recall their names. I greeted them. Candy was there in disguise. I saw Mrs. McIntyre from elementary school. I called out to her, but people said that was not her name. Perhaps this was before she became a McIntyre. She was with a man, and she suggested that he was Mr. McIntyre. Perhaps I foreshadowed their marriage. She seemed quite pleased. Another lady I also saw was Auntie Juzi (Juzi A-yi). She was mother's friend from high school. She had frizzy hair and had traveled with us before.

They all tried to deny their identities though. Perhaps I recognized them from a life they were not aware of. A fisherman was happy with the harvest and thanked me. He told me to invite my friends out for a feast. My friends would consume me.

The van kept driving; over the hills as I see the streets of Taiwan.

November 2010